home // they said I am mind over heart yet my name is Heart; how ironic right? maybe that is why my life also is.

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1. Whenever I stand half naked in front of the mirror, I don’t have the courage to look at my own reflection. I can hear her call my name, asking me to meet her eyes, telling me to look at the monstrosity that she is. But I can’t. I stopped looking at myself ever since someone said that I am not close to being pretty, what more beautiful. That my body is not tailor made for a girl. That I don’t meet the standards of beauty set by the society.

I am a coward.

2. I grew up thinking that all I’ll ever be is a second option. A choice. The second best. And I am not even sure if my name and best should be in one sentence. Or even with the word good. People have always pointed out how my academic prowess is no match to the person whom I share the same blood. People have made the little six year old girl believe that no matter what she does, it will never be enough.

I am never enough.

3. I am far too kind, far too nice, far too forgiving, far too understanding, far too compassionate, far too helpful that sometimes, I forget that there is no assurance that someone will be there for me when I’m slowly falling into a dark abyss. I always forget (on purpose) that I need to save a little something for myself. I end up not leaving a piece, a thread, a speck of who I am to keep me afloat in this ocean of frenzied emotions.

I have given all of me.

4. My midnight thoughts are still of him. I still find myself thinking, writing, crying for him. No matter how many times I twist and turn on my bed, the empty ceiling still reminds me of the moon and how I once made it my muse. A big part of my heart still aches over the unanswered questions and continuous what if’s. My right hand still trembles over the idea of writing for him once more. The songs still remind me of him and I continue to lie awake at night, thinking maybe he’s thinking of me too.

I’m a little not over him.

5. Words have always been a refuge. Poems are my escape, my bittersweet enroute to the reality that no one really sees through my facade. I string letters together to create a melody that sings me to sleep when the quiet sobbing awakens the monster under my bed. I bite the insides of my cheeks until I taste the blood which vividly paints the sorrow, the despair, the hurt, the melancholy — everything and I run to my refuge, letting the blood create purple prose.

I can’t stop writing.

6. I breathe. I feel. I cry. I bleed. I hide. I smile.

I am still alive.

I am mad at myself for so many reasons and I continue to find more of them. | hbg (via mediwriter)
"I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience."
Meryl Streep  (via hibernas)

So, why are the funniest people the most depressed?

“Humor is a common defense mechanism. Some funny people like to make themselves and others laugh because it keeps them from crying. It distracts people from the real issues and pokes fun at things to minimize the impact. Albeit temporarily.”



I think it’s so sad when students stop caring at the end of the year. Like ” I don’t give a Fuck if I fail, I just want school to be over” but you can tell they care. They do. BUT the pressure, expectations and the stress that they have been experiencing early in the semester has totally killed their motivation. We spend 9 months studying for a test that we lose motivation for anyways.”


"She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by-
And never knew."
Shel Silverstein, Every Thing On It (via ding-ang-bato)
"I learned not to trust people; I learned not to believe what they say but to watch what they do; I learned to suspect that anyone and everyone is capable of ‘living a lie’. I came to believe that other people - even when you think you know them well - are ultimately unknowable."
Lynn Barber, An Education (via gwymelove)
"If you could love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you could love the right person."
unknown (via buhaybabae)
September 1, 2014
I wish I had
the amount of love
it would take
to fill
all the empty people."
Nicole C.  (via ding-ang-bato)
"Have you ever had that feeling— that you’d like to go to a whole different place and become a whole different self?"
Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (via aphreodite)
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